We're already six weeks into the school year! That's 1/6 of the way done with senior year I cannot believe it's flying by so fast! And I have already learned so much! Not only in school, but about this town, the people in it, and myself.
Before moving here everyone told me I was "lucky to be getting a fresh start," and they "always wished they could have been new at least once." Well, let's just start by saying being new is NOTHING like the movies make it seem. You become a loner against your will and nothing you do can change that. My plan of action? Make one good friend in each class and pray I survive. So far that plan is working really well!
Sure I miss my friends back home, but I can't let that keep me from making new friends! Just like everyone back home didn't let their life stop when we moved away, I won't let my life stop just because I moved away.
I'm not going to lie and say it's been nothing but fun! Every day is a blast! No. There have been days where I just came home feeling defeated and like everything just went wrong that day. But, I learned that every day is a new day! Just because yesterday sucked doesn't mean today has to. Yes, life is rough. Yes, everyone faces challenges and frustration, but does that mean we can just give up and whine about life? Not at all.
The day after feeling defeated and alone are always the best for me. Somehow I have already been blessed with friends that are extremely nice and friendly. I haven't met anyone here that I just completely don't like! Sure, there are some that I like better than others, but there's no one that I 'hate' or purposefully avoid.
Life over here really is fun! Sure, people don't really understand what Yakima is like, but how can I expect them to when I don't even fully understand Moscow, yet.
I'm refusing to let bad days make me feel like I've had a bad life. Sure, senior year isn't as I always thought it would be, but does that mean I can say my life sucks? Not at all.
Moscow is a great new home and I wouldn't trade my senior year for anything.
3/25/12
God's Hand of Protection
Lately I've been asking God why we haven't moved yet. My dad spends half of his time in another time and comes home talking about this 'amazing new town!' that he 'can't wait to have us all living in.' Yet, no more action has been taken in selling the house and I can't help but feel ignored or forgotten by God. Like he got my dad there most of the time and that's good enough the rest of the family can just manage. I know that that is by no means true, but I can't help but feel that way.
Every time I pray about it and ask "Why God? Why?" His immediate response is always "I'm protecting you. Just wait." Ugh, patience is not my strong suit! But, trusting in God, I can do.
If he says he is protecting me from something, okay, I can handle that. He's protected me from so much!
Almost two years ago I spent a very short amount of time in the hospital. My throat swelled and I was put in the ER one night and given albuterol and a heart steroid before going home. I was using these as prescribed when the heart steroid made things way worse. I was checked back into the hospital but this time given epinephrine. I was terrified. I had to be checked in and stay overnight, not exactly my favorite time of that summer to say the least. It was an intense three days for my family. After my overnight stay they eventually let me go home provided that I also get saline and a nebulizer (shaped like a penguin!), that I used once.
During the second trip to the hospital I was given a different doctor. He noticed something on my thyroid while my throat was all swollen. I had an ultrasound done on my thyroid and was sent to Children's to figure out exactly what it was. By the time the appointment at Children's came up (about two months later), I was not afraid at all! To me God had proved his greatness by just keeping me alive after the whole throat swelling incident. I was totally at peace for this appointment.
My doctor at Children's told us that what I have on my thyroid is something fairly common, it's called a nodule and it does absolutely nothing to me. He did say I needed to come back every year to a year and half just to be absolutely certain, and we have been! Nothing's changed.
This is just one of the major times in my life where I realized how intensely God's hand of protection is over my life. I have so many others!
I will never fully understand God's goodness and the things he has protected me from, but I trust Him.
If he says he's protecting me from something in Moscow, Idaho then sobeit. He's in charge and I'm not. He wants here in Yakima still, for my protection. Okay. I'm along for the ride. And I can't wait to look back to see all the twists and turns I took to get there.
Every time I pray about it and ask "Why God? Why?" His immediate response is always "I'm protecting you. Just wait." Ugh, patience is not my strong suit! But, trusting in God, I can do.
If he says he is protecting me from something, okay, I can handle that. He's protected me from so much!
Almost two years ago I spent a very short amount of time in the hospital. My throat swelled and I was put in the ER one night and given albuterol and a heart steroid before going home. I was using these as prescribed when the heart steroid made things way worse. I was checked back into the hospital but this time given epinephrine. I was terrified. I had to be checked in and stay overnight, not exactly my favorite time of that summer to say the least. It was an intense three days for my family. After my overnight stay they eventually let me go home provided that I also get saline and a nebulizer (shaped like a penguin!), that I used once.
During the second trip to the hospital I was given a different doctor. He noticed something on my thyroid while my throat was all swollen. I had an ultrasound done on my thyroid and was sent to Children's to figure out exactly what it was. By the time the appointment at Children's came up (about two months later), I was not afraid at all! To me God had proved his greatness by just keeping me alive after the whole throat swelling incident. I was totally at peace for this appointment.
My doctor at Children's told us that what I have on my thyroid is something fairly common, it's called a nodule and it does absolutely nothing to me. He did say I needed to come back every year to a year and half just to be absolutely certain, and we have been! Nothing's changed.
This is just one of the major times in my life where I realized how intensely God's hand of protection is over my life. I have so many others!
I will never fully understand God's goodness and the things he has protected me from, but I trust Him.
If he says he's protecting me from something in Moscow, Idaho then sobeit. He's in charge and I'm not. He wants here in Yakima still, for my protection. Okay. I'm along for the ride. And I can't wait to look back to see all the twists and turns I took to get there.
1/31/12
In Complete Awe
So much has happened in the last few days! I am totally and completely amazed by God in a way I have never been before. My love and awe has increased by a factor of about a million bajillion!
To start with, yes, I am disappointed our house sale fell through. Yet, if it had gone through I would have missed out on so much!
GU (Generation Unleashed) is a conference our church attends. As always I was impressed by the church itself but also (much more importantly) by what God did in student's lives.
For me, GU was a reminder of God's love for me. That was the most important part for me. Of course we had loads and loads of fun and ended up exhausted.
The best part though? The van ride home! Oh my word!! Can someone say 'Our God is amazing!" Please? We had gone around in the van and everyone shared their favorite part, least favorite part and how they were changed. Then we prayed and some people led out. It was cool, but the best part was still to come.
For some reason Jason brought up the Holy Spirit. Then Sydney asked who hadn't been baptized in the Holy Spirit. Then we moved seats around so girls could pray for/over girls and guys with guys. I explained our beliefs about speaking in tongues and we began.
It was so unexplainable powerful. Something about people uniting together in the name of Jesus is so intensely moving. I was praying over Trisha and she was just sobbing in God's presence. Then a little while later I leaned in to hear her speaking in tongues! I nearly screamed out of excitement and joy! Then I couldn't help but laugh! The Holy Spirit was working and moving in that van on the way home from conference. God doesn't care where you are. If you press into Him he will not let you down.
So all of this was amazing and really pushed us over the edge. Usually, at least for me, the car ride home from camp is when the 'spiritual high' already begins to wear off. But we broke that this time. And I will never be the same because of it.
This Sunday night was our worship night at Stone. Now, I've always loved worship, I may not be a great singer but worship is still so awesome to me. Anyways, the lady leading the night said something along the lines of God's love for you isn't going to grow based on you and your works. Wow. My whole life I've been taught it's not the works you do that save you (Romans 1), but that it's loving and accepting Christ as your savior. Yes, I know that. But to realize I don't have to work to please God or to make him love me any more totally removed a huge burden off of me. As a PK I always know there is more I could be doing for our church and that I therefore should be doing. Now I realize though that it isn't about pleasing God, it's about worshiping Him. I've known this in my head forever but this was the first time I felt it, and I knew it for myself.
I have such an unexplainable all powerful joy. I'm never going to be who I once was.
To start with, yes, I am disappointed our house sale fell through. Yet, if it had gone through I would have missed out on so much!
GU (Generation Unleashed) is a conference our church attends. As always I was impressed by the church itself but also (much more importantly) by what God did in student's lives.
For me, GU was a reminder of God's love for me. That was the most important part for me. Of course we had loads and loads of fun and ended up exhausted.
The best part though? The van ride home! Oh my word!! Can someone say 'Our God is amazing!" Please? We had gone around in the van and everyone shared their favorite part, least favorite part and how they were changed. Then we prayed and some people led out. It was cool, but the best part was still to come.
For some reason Jason brought up the Holy Spirit. Then Sydney asked who hadn't been baptized in the Holy Spirit. Then we moved seats around so girls could pray for/over girls and guys with guys. I explained our beliefs about speaking in tongues and we began.
It was so unexplainable powerful. Something about people uniting together in the name of Jesus is so intensely moving. I was praying over Trisha and she was just sobbing in God's presence. Then a little while later I leaned in to hear her speaking in tongues! I nearly screamed out of excitement and joy! Then I couldn't help but laugh! The Holy Spirit was working and moving in that van on the way home from conference. God doesn't care where you are. If you press into Him he will not let you down.
So all of this was amazing and really pushed us over the edge. Usually, at least for me, the car ride home from camp is when the 'spiritual high' already begins to wear off. But we broke that this time. And I will never be the same because of it.
This Sunday night was our worship night at Stone. Now, I've always loved worship, I may not be a great singer but worship is still so awesome to me. Anyways, the lady leading the night said something along the lines of God's love for you isn't going to grow based on you and your works. Wow. My whole life I've been taught it's not the works you do that save you (Romans 1), but that it's loving and accepting Christ as your savior. Yes, I know that. But to realize I don't have to work to please God or to make him love me any more totally removed a huge burden off of me. As a PK I always know there is more I could be doing for our church and that I therefore should be doing. Now I realize though that it isn't about pleasing God, it's about worshiping Him. I've known this in my head forever but this was the first time I felt it, and I knew it for myself.
I have such an unexplainable all powerful joy. I'm never going to be who I once was.
1/6/12
If God Is For Us, Then Who Could Ever Stop Us?
FINALLY!! Our house is coming off the market! We have 13 days (January 19th) to pack up and move out! It's such a huge an amazing blessing!
People keep asking if I'm excited. My answer? I don't really know. It's so overwhelming, and there's so much going on. I feel kind of lost in all the confusion of packing, hanging out with friends for the last time, and trying to get school stuff ready to transfer.
But, God has given me the best friends in the world! I can't imagine what I'd do without them! Whenever I just need someone to encourage me or to tell me it'll be alright I know they'll be there. I love them so much! And I'm going to miss them even more...
I am amazed by God and his love for us as his creation. I've always 'known' this but the older I've become and the more I've learned the more amazing this seems. "Nothing you could ever say or do will ever change God's love for you." This phrase has been ingrained into my mind for as long as I can remember. But I will NEVER take that for granted.
God has given me all I have and I am so thankful!
I've had some moments where I was scared for my life, yet God's hand of protection was over me. Because of God's protection I'm still alive and well. This is proof to me that with moving to Moscow my God will protect me. He loves and cares for me. Nothing can stop that.
I will not forget that.
People keep asking if I'm excited. My answer? I don't really know. It's so overwhelming, and there's so much going on. I feel kind of lost in all the confusion of packing, hanging out with friends for the last time, and trying to get school stuff ready to transfer.
But, God has given me the best friends in the world! I can't imagine what I'd do without them! Whenever I just need someone to encourage me or to tell me it'll be alright I know they'll be there. I love them so much! And I'm going to miss them even more...
I am amazed by God and his love for us as his creation. I've always 'known' this but the older I've become and the more I've learned the more amazing this seems. "Nothing you could ever say or do will ever change God's love for you." This phrase has been ingrained into my mind for as long as I can remember. But I will NEVER take that for granted.
God has given me all I have and I am so thankful!
I've had some moments where I was scared for my life, yet God's hand of protection was over me. Because of God's protection I'm still alive and well. This is proof to me that with moving to Moscow my God will protect me. He loves and cares for me. Nothing can stop that.
I will not forget that.
12/23/11
Visiting My New Home
It's Christmas Break!! This is our family's first Christmas in our new town of Moscow, it's so exciting but different in so many ways!
At school, before break, I had to write about our family's Christmas traditions, it brought back a lot of hilarious and fun memories. For example; my dad and I went out shopping on Christmas Eve and got into a sword fight with pool noodles and nearly got kicked out, or how every year I get burnt by the hot candle wax during our Christmas Eve Candle Light Service.
As I worked on the paper I realized that this was going to be a year filled brand new traditions.
I wasn't sure whether or not I should be excited.
I mean this is a big change. This is the first time in about 14 years we won't be going to Jack-In-The-Box or looking at Christmas Lights after our Christmas Eve Service. This is my first Christmas I can remember where we aren't doing stocking stuffers (not complaining about that though). This is the first Christmas in about six years I won't be spending with my grandparents.
It's hard and different, yes, but this year is the start of something new. We get to make changes to our traditions. We get to start new ones we've never done, like getting the candles ready for the Candle Light Service. We get to do the traditions my parents had before I was born, like getting some form of Chinese or other asian food on Christmas Day.
I woke up this morning, in Moscow, at a friend's house incredibly upset. I was more homesick than I've ever been in my life. All I wanted was to be at home with my friends, I didn't want to be in Moscow. I didn't want anything to do with what we were doing as a family. I just wanted to be home.
Then I remembered, this is God's calling on my family's life. What right do I have to be upset that God's called my family? Jesus did everything God asked of him. Why can't I be like that? This is my new town and I'm not going to rebel against it. This is my new home for a reason and a purpose. Who am I to fight that? I'm God's child. He's not going to put me in a circumstance that is unintentional. It's going to be hard. But Jesus was hung on the cross, who am I to complain? My friends may be distancing themselves slowly but surely. Jesus was betrayed. Who am I to complain? I may not want this in the moment. But this is what God has in store for me. Who am I to fight God?
At school, before break, I had to write about our family's Christmas traditions, it brought back a lot of hilarious and fun memories. For example; my dad and I went out shopping on Christmas Eve and got into a sword fight with pool noodles and nearly got kicked out, or how every year I get burnt by the hot candle wax during our Christmas Eve Candle Light Service.
As I worked on the paper I realized that this was going to be a year filled brand new traditions.
I wasn't sure whether or not I should be excited.
I mean this is a big change. This is the first time in about 14 years we won't be going to Jack-In-The-Box or looking at Christmas Lights after our Christmas Eve Service. This is my first Christmas I can remember where we aren't doing stocking stuffers (not complaining about that though). This is the first Christmas in about six years I won't be spending with my grandparents.
It's hard and different, yes, but this year is the start of something new. We get to make changes to our traditions. We get to start new ones we've never done, like getting the candles ready for the Candle Light Service. We get to do the traditions my parents had before I was born, like getting some form of Chinese or other asian food on Christmas Day.
I woke up this morning, in Moscow, at a friend's house incredibly upset. I was more homesick than I've ever been in my life. All I wanted was to be at home with my friends, I didn't want to be in Moscow. I didn't want anything to do with what we were doing as a family. I just wanted to be home.
Then I remembered, this is God's calling on my family's life. What right do I have to be upset that God's called my family? Jesus did everything God asked of him. Why can't I be like that? This is my new town and I'm not going to rebel against it. This is my new home for a reason and a purpose. Who am I to fight that? I'm God's child. He's not going to put me in a circumstance that is unintentional. It's going to be hard. But Jesus was hung on the cross, who am I to complain? My friends may be distancing themselves slowly but surely. Jesus was betrayed. Who am I to complain? I may not want this in the moment. But this is what God has in store for me. Who am I to fight God?
10/16/11
I'm Ready.
It took me a few weeks to decide if I wanted to post this.
This is the most transparent thing I’ve ever done.
Here we go; this move has been hard on me. I don’t like admitting when something’s been hard or when I’ve been hurt but I have.
Already my life has changed so much. People are replacing me long before I’m gone. I’ve already distanced myself from my best friends in preparation for leaving.
This is not how I wanted it to happen.
I wanted to announce we were leaving and be gone. I don’t like this here but not thing. It’s not working for me.
I want to be in Moscow completely, or not go at all.
I miss my friends, the way we used to be. I don’t even talk to the same people any more.
It’s weird and awkward. I want my old life back; I want everything to be how it was. It was better, perfect for me actually. My friends were the best, better than I could have ever asked for.
This move is already distancing me from them, and I’m not even gone yet. I’m not a fan.
I already miss you Yakima, and the way things were, and I haven’t even left yet.
Yet, with that said I know that God has something better. But I’m sick of hearing that. I want to see it.
I’m ready to see God’s hand and not just have this feeling that something great, and better than I could have ever imagined is coming.
It’s time.
And I’m ready.
This is the most transparent thing I’ve ever done.
Here we go; this move has been hard on me. I don’t like admitting when something’s been hard or when I’ve been hurt but I have.
Already my life has changed so much. People are replacing me long before I’m gone. I’ve already distanced myself from my best friends in preparation for leaving.
This is not how I wanted it to happen.
I wanted to announce we were leaving and be gone. I don’t like this here but not thing. It’s not working for me.
I want to be in Moscow completely, or not go at all.
I miss my friends, the way we used to be. I don’t even talk to the same people any more.
It’s weird and awkward. I want my old life back; I want everything to be how it was. It was better, perfect for me actually. My friends were the best, better than I could have ever asked for.
This move is already distancing me from them, and I’m not even gone yet. I’m not a fan.
I already miss you Yakima, and the way things were, and I haven’t even left yet.
Yet, with that said I know that God has something better. But I’m sick of hearing that. I want to see it.
I’m ready to see God’s hand and not just have this feeling that something great, and better than I could have ever imagined is coming.
It’s time.
And I’m ready.
9/26/11
Moving... Again
Hey guys! So, it's been a while but, uh, here's another post!
As PK's most of us have moved more times than we'd like to admit. Some pk's find their identity in moving because they've allowed it to define them. This is the whole reason we have this blog. As pk's we need to be here for each other and encourage each other to see how awesome we truly are, no matter what our parents are like!
I, Caitlin, am moving... Again! Hence the title.
To fully undestand this move you need a little more backstory about me.
My first town was Clarkston, WA. My parents were youth pastors there until I was a couple months old. Then we youth pastor-ed (yes, it's a verb.) in Sea-Tac. We were there until I turned two, this is when my parents felt God's calling us to something brand new and better than we could ever imagine. We moved to Yakima! So, Yakima is kinda lame sounding and anyone who's lived here forever would say it is boring. But, we moved here to become children's pastors. We love the people here. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I was only two. We've been here in Yakima for 14.5 years and we love it here! My grandparents have moved up here to live close to us and my great-grandparents came too. This is our town. This is my "hometown." This is home.
Last September my dad began feeling the call to become a senior pastor. At first all it was to me was an excited feeling, something I couldn't fully understand yet. It was just an exciting thought in the back of my mind. My dad told me it would be a few years until then. But I could see him changing and growing. Only a year or two before this we left children's ministries, and began associate pastor-ing (another verb). I could see him changing and growing and I knew it would be sooner than we all expected but I denied that thought, hoping it would pass. It didn't.
This Spring Break, my dad dropped the bomb. By the end of this year we would be senior pastors. I'd like to say it didn't bother me, but it did. I was upset and hurt. Yet, I couldn't talk about it because no one was supposed to know yet. I kept quiet and pretended all was okay but deep down, I knew it wasn't. I knew it meant leaving all I really know.
The exciting/adventure-some thoughts were starting to wear off. They were still there but slowly fading.
My parents were looking at churches and submitting resumes at every opening they felt a slight tug towards. With every church or town they told me about I died a little inside.
Yakima's my home, why in the world would I want to leave it? I have all I could ever ask for here. Awesome friends, an amazing church, and nearby family. What could be better?
Moscow, Idaho. A town I had only heard my dad talk about. Yes, it's only a half hour from my first town but I hadn't ever been there. Why would I want to? It's home to the Vandals. I love Boise State. Pssshh why would I want to go to Vandal Country?
Yet, I didn't fight God's call on our family. I kept trucking on. I didn't want to admit that God had a plan for us there, I wanted to be bitter and upset but I just couldn't be.
We finally announced to our church in Yakima on September 4th that we were looking at moving on. One year after God's callings first began. I don't even want to count how many people came up to me tears in their eyes, telling me how much I mean to them, and how much they're going to miss me. Somehow I managed to smile the whole day and to say I was just happy there wasn't a secret anymore. Yet, I knew that with every face that looked at me with that look, pk's you know which 'look' I'm talking about, I knew that I wouldn't ever forget it.
It was nice to have people know but all the questions, they were overwhelming. It was great to finally talk about it but still there were so many, so so many.
That next week we went to Moscow, for the first time. And we were elected unanimously. I looked over at my little sister a few minutes after it was announced, while the church was praying for us, to see tears streaming down her face. But, I looked around at the people praying for us and could see the excitement, and anticipation, and joy in their faces. Only to look back at my sister's and see her crying. It was hard. But this totally explains the torn feelings I have about this move. Sadness, but excitement. Such a big contradiction, an oxymoron really but yet that's how I feel.
It's an adorable looking town. But, I'd be lying if I said I'm overly excited to live there. I'm excited for the new and what we're going to do there but so sad about what I'm going to have to leave behind.
This next week was the week when the ever popular question started appearing more and more prominently. "Are you excited? Or are you nervous?" My answer, yes. I am excited for the new but I am so nervous. This is something totally new. Yes, God has prepared me and my family but there's so many things to think about. This is my junior year, and I'm transferring to a new high school, I'm going to have to get a job that isn't babysitting since I won't know many young families needing a sitter, I'm going to be at a new church where everyone will know me but I won't know them. I am very excited for what God's going to do and what all I'm going to learn.
As this dream has become more and more of a reality the excitement is wearing off, and the sadness is nearly outweighing it. Not quite but getting close.
I'm going to miss Yakima very much, but the best is yet to come.
As PK's most of us have moved more times than we'd like to admit. Some pk's find their identity in moving because they've allowed it to define them. This is the whole reason we have this blog. As pk's we need to be here for each other and encourage each other to see how awesome we truly are, no matter what our parents are like!
I, Caitlin, am moving... Again! Hence the title.
To fully undestand this move you need a little more backstory about me.
My first town was Clarkston, WA. My parents were youth pastors there until I was a couple months old. Then we youth pastor-ed (yes, it's a verb.) in Sea-Tac. We were there until I turned two, this is when my parents felt God's calling us to something brand new and better than we could ever imagine. We moved to Yakima! So, Yakima is kinda lame sounding and anyone who's lived here forever would say it is boring. But, we moved here to become children's pastors. We love the people here. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I was only two. We've been here in Yakima for 14.5 years and we love it here! My grandparents have moved up here to live close to us and my great-grandparents came too. This is our town. This is my "hometown." This is home.
Last September my dad began feeling the call to become a senior pastor. At first all it was to me was an excited feeling, something I couldn't fully understand yet. It was just an exciting thought in the back of my mind. My dad told me it would be a few years until then. But I could see him changing and growing. Only a year or two before this we left children's ministries, and began associate pastor-ing (another verb). I could see him changing and growing and I knew it would be sooner than we all expected but I denied that thought, hoping it would pass. It didn't.
This Spring Break, my dad dropped the bomb. By the end of this year we would be senior pastors. I'd like to say it didn't bother me, but it did. I was upset and hurt. Yet, I couldn't talk about it because no one was supposed to know yet. I kept quiet and pretended all was okay but deep down, I knew it wasn't. I knew it meant leaving all I really know.
The exciting/adventure-some thoughts were starting to wear off. They were still there but slowly fading.
My parents were looking at churches and submitting resumes at every opening they felt a slight tug towards. With every church or town they told me about I died a little inside.
Yakima's my home, why in the world would I want to leave it? I have all I could ever ask for here. Awesome friends, an amazing church, and nearby family. What could be better?
Moscow, Idaho. A town I had only heard my dad talk about. Yes, it's only a half hour from my first town but I hadn't ever been there. Why would I want to? It's home to the Vandals. I love Boise State. Pssshh why would I want to go to Vandal Country?
Yet, I didn't fight God's call on our family. I kept trucking on. I didn't want to admit that God had a plan for us there, I wanted to be bitter and upset but I just couldn't be.
We finally announced to our church in Yakima on September 4th that we were looking at moving on. One year after God's callings first began. I don't even want to count how many people came up to me tears in their eyes, telling me how much I mean to them, and how much they're going to miss me. Somehow I managed to smile the whole day and to say I was just happy there wasn't a secret anymore. Yet, I knew that with every face that looked at me with that look, pk's you know which 'look' I'm talking about, I knew that I wouldn't ever forget it.
It was nice to have people know but all the questions, they were overwhelming. It was great to finally talk about it but still there were so many, so so many.
That next week we went to Moscow, for the first time. And we were elected unanimously. I looked over at my little sister a few minutes after it was announced, while the church was praying for us, to see tears streaming down her face. But, I looked around at the people praying for us and could see the excitement, and anticipation, and joy in their faces. Only to look back at my sister's and see her crying. It was hard. But this totally explains the torn feelings I have about this move. Sadness, but excitement. Such a big contradiction, an oxymoron really but yet that's how I feel.
It's an adorable looking town. But, I'd be lying if I said I'm overly excited to live there. I'm excited for the new and what we're going to do there but so sad about what I'm going to have to leave behind.
This next week was the week when the ever popular question started appearing more and more prominently. "Are you excited? Or are you nervous?" My answer, yes. I am excited for the new but I am so nervous. This is something totally new. Yes, God has prepared me and my family but there's so many things to think about. This is my junior year, and I'm transferring to a new high school, I'm going to have to get a job that isn't babysitting since I won't know many young families needing a sitter, I'm going to be at a new church where everyone will know me but I won't know them. I am very excited for what God's going to do and what all I'm going to learn.
As this dream has become more and more of a reality the excitement is wearing off, and the sadness is nearly outweighing it. Not quite but getting close.
I'm going to miss Yakima very much, but the best is yet to come.
11/26/10
Holding Back
We're human. We've all made mistakes. Yet, we never feel like we can tell people. We are the absoloute best secret keepers ever. We have a lot of pressure on us, to keep secrets both about other people and oursevles. Where is all this pressure coming from? Our mindset.
We are the ones putting all the pressure on ourselves. We are making ourselves think we must be perfect, we're convincing ourselves that everyone is watching our every move and judging us. We aren't allowing ourselves to live life to the fullest but concentrating more on what people are thinking about us. We are allowing ourselves to be people pleasers.
I'm not saying that we don't have hurt, or that we need to buck up and get over it. I'm saying that our worst enemy is often ourselves and that we need to take control of the way we make ourselves feel. We don't need to be perfect. We are human. We are going to make mistakes. Let go of the perfectionistic mind set and live your life as a teenager is supposed to! :)
We are the ones putting all the pressure on ourselves. We are making ourselves think we must be perfect, we're convincing ourselves that everyone is watching our every move and judging us. We aren't allowing ourselves to live life to the fullest but concentrating more on what people are thinking about us. We are allowing ourselves to be people pleasers.
I'm not saying that we don't have hurt, or that we need to buck up and get over it. I'm saying that our worst enemy is often ourselves and that we need to take control of the way we make ourselves feel. We don't need to be perfect. We are human. We are going to make mistakes. Let go of the perfectionistic mind set and live your life as a teenager is supposed to! :)
7/31/10
I am the audience part 3: bitterness
Are you bitter? I know I am. It is so easy to become so without even knowing or trying. At least, that's what I have found in my own life. It was like I just woke up and realized how bitter and angry I was. I looked up bitterness on Dictionary.com. The definitions that stood out to me most were:
1. Having a harsh, disagreeably acrid taste.
and
7. Resentful or cynical: bitter words.
Is the feeling inside you like a disagreeable taste? Are you resentful and cynical? So how can we abolish bitterness in our lives and how can we keep it from coming back? Well, first thing is first, you probably have a reason that you're bitter. Could be something that happened to you once that made you this way. What are you bitter about? About being a PK? Are you mad at God for making you the child of a pastor? Or it could be caused by hurt from lack of acceptance for who you are. Maybe you tried something and failed so many times that it has caused you to be bitter. Whatever it is, you need to let go of it. Letting go is a painful thing, especially if you have held on to this anger or hurt for a long time. Give it up to God and ask him to fill that place in your heart that was once filled with bitterness. God wants you to love and trust without having a bad taste in your mouth so SPIT IT OUT! It's not okay to be bitter.
6/19/10
fear
What are our most common fears as pks or just people in general? Rejection? Hatred? Moving? Unknown? You aren't alone.
Rejection: We're all scared. Simple right? No we're scared that at our new church, our new school, maybe just coming back to school, that our closest friends will find someone better. Someone nicer, prettier, has better clothes, more money, or just seems cooler. If someone rejects you for any of these reasons they weren't worth your time and rejection may just be a blessing in disguise. This rejection may lead you to better friends that won't flake out on you. But rejection is going to be painful of course! It's rejection for goodness sake... It's a painful but worth while process.
Hatred: Two way street here. We're scared to have someone hate us of course we want everyone to love us. We're people pleasers we NEED to break that. We love Jesus therefore people should hate us. If people don't hate you because of your faith then you're being passive, way too passive. Which means you need to repent and start taking a stand for what you believe. The other side of the street; hating others. What if someone slips and tells you something that makes you lose respect for someone or makes you hate them? Maybe they did something simple like lie about being sick in order to skip their turn in the baby room, or something stupid like went off about your pastor parent. Whatever the reason you probably feel hatred towards them. Which needs to end now. You need to repent to God and ask the person you ended up hating for forgiveness. Yes the person-to-person thing will be very scary but it needs to be done.
Moving: I'm sure we cann all relate to this. The scariest thing probably as a pk is seeing those invitation to move somewhere else. You know that I'm finally settling in here getting used to these neighbors feeling? Well once you get it, it's like BAM!!! New invite to a church to be considered. Scary, very scary. Moving, moving, moving, moving, that word just scares you huh? Us too... Yet, really it's just the fear of the unknown.
Unknown: We're scared of just about everything that we don't know. New towns, new schools, new houses, new friends. Anything unfamilliar scares us. Repent... The fear of the unknown is a major stronghold in lives, you need to break free from it in yours in order to live your life as best as possible.
In general when we get scared we put on those masks. Those masks that kill us inside. A smile that looks so real it fools us sometimes.
Rejection: We're all scared. Simple right? No we're scared that at our new church, our new school, maybe just coming back to school, that our closest friends will find someone better. Someone nicer, prettier, has better clothes, more money, or just seems cooler. If someone rejects you for any of these reasons they weren't worth your time and rejection may just be a blessing in disguise. This rejection may lead you to better friends that won't flake out on you. But rejection is going to be painful of course! It's rejection for goodness sake... It's a painful but worth while process.
Hatred: Two way street here. We're scared to have someone hate us of course we want everyone to love us. We're people pleasers we NEED to break that. We love Jesus therefore people should hate us. If people don't hate you because of your faith then you're being passive, way too passive. Which means you need to repent and start taking a stand for what you believe. The other side of the street; hating others. What if someone slips and tells you something that makes you lose respect for someone or makes you hate them? Maybe they did something simple like lie about being sick in order to skip their turn in the baby room, or something stupid like went off about your pastor parent. Whatever the reason you probably feel hatred towards them. Which needs to end now. You need to repent to God and ask the person you ended up hating for forgiveness. Yes the person-to-person thing will be very scary but it needs to be done.
Moving: I'm sure we cann all relate to this. The scariest thing probably as a pk is seeing those invitation to move somewhere else. You know that I'm finally settling in here getting used to these neighbors feeling? Well once you get it, it's like BAM!!! New invite to a church to be considered. Scary, very scary. Moving, moving, moving, moving, that word just scares you huh? Us too... Yet, really it's just the fear of the unknown.
Unknown: We're scared of just about everything that we don't know. New towns, new schools, new houses, new friends. Anything unfamilliar scares us. Repent... The fear of the unknown is a major stronghold in lives, you need to break free from it in yours in order to live your life as best as possible.
In general when we get scared we put on those masks. Those masks that kill us inside. A smile that looks so real it fools us sometimes.
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